An Open Letter To DeathSpank: On The Thongs of Virtue

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Dear DeathSpank, Wielder of Justice –

Understandably, taking the time out to read this scratchy and otherwise useless piece of booty paper may be removing time out of your Defending of the Downtrodden, but please… it’s for the little ones. After only months since  your first title, you come storming into our living rooms and past the garter belts with a second title, Thongs of Virtue, and I can blessedly say “thank you.” Because not a lot changed and yet you were able to swing away at that little thing we call “boredom.”

While your adventure is drastically different (and I both applaud you and shy away from chasing after six, mind-altering Virtuous Thongs), you don’t even take a second to stop and rest. Did you not have other duties to worry about, like dry cleaning? Regardless, the change from the satirical RPG-fantasy world into this Lord of the Rings, that you didn’t just fit in… you stabbed yourself an opening and then shoved your way through.

Now don’t get me wrong here: your talent for off-handed comments aside, you are not for everyone. Sure, I could see someone picking up right where you left off in the first game and picking up on the controls and what you do easily. That’s not the issue,  I’m seeing D.S old buddy, old pal. What worries me is the repetitive nature that comes with it.

Just like in your first perilous adventure, where actions and motives were streamlined into concise button layouts (one for each weapon, and I like that style) and leveling up was based on a card-stacking system (which I want the whole set, by the way). Giving us the option to watch you grow how, well.. we want, is always a treat. The problem comes with it being the same thing over and again: find, kill, and quest.  How you do it varies from the weapons you pick up and from what you’re killing, but overall nothing changes.

A welcome change though are the boss battles, which are amusing in their all by themselves. Having to both figure out how to get into each selective area of a respected Thong-barer, you show determination and pure cunning… or blind luck. Burning a “forbidden” book in front of the church elevator to get access? Brilliant! Only so you can attack and defeat the Nun of Compassion and her minion, and steal her under britches. These little puzzles and tidbits of humor really sell and point out just what is behind this little gem of a game.

Don’t take it to heart if not everyone takes your tale to bed, fights it to sleep and cuddles it to slumber D.S. Not everyone is cut out for your game and that’s quite all right. While you still bring out the fury, the fun, and the imagination that your matriarchs at Hothead Games have bestowed upon you, lack of any real evolution toyour two-dimensional fighting world may be the end. Perhaps you could learn some magic while your in your off season? Some Knitting? Maybe even meet a nice lady to take to the taverns… to cause a tavern fight.

Just like the many, multicolored thongs you must procure, ZoKnowsGaming can only give you a 6 out of 10, even though you are the Master of Master-tude. Give my best to the chickens, and don’t forget to wash your linens,

A Respectful Fan

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